Men: If you are getting mad, you are probably feeling sad..........
Many studies suggest and working with men in my Meeting Minds practice supports, that anger in men is driven less by genuine anger and more by depression which manifests itself as anger. When men present with 'anger issues' they often go on to disclose that their nearest and dearest have described their behaviour as irritable, short-tempered, argumentative - all self-defeating behaviours. And these can lead to a sense of insecurity and shortcomings in performance - at work, at home, within society and in the bedroom.
The root of aggression in men drives their instinct for survival. Usually men are not good at filtering and expressing emotions or feelings so they express and act out their experience of emotion or anger. Some studies suggest that men are hardwired for rage - and it keeps them sharp. But these days there are no sabre tooth tigers to fight so this response is largely ineffective.
It is important for men to learn to recognise and acknowledge their emotions. It is important for their own emotional well being to find out what is going on. Identifying the underlying feelings and emotions is important.
The next step is to express those emotions and feelings in a productive manner. This often helps to diffuse the anger. As this happens, the depression that ultimately drives the anger and annoyance starts to take shape as a lack of fulfilment or disappointment over broken dreams or anxiety about being able to provide for the family, or performance at work or being a good husband/partner
When men have recognised what the problem is, they can then ask: 'what next?' With depression, emotional success does not rely on the way and how, but more upon what we do next.
To do this, men need to find and feel their feelings. From here, they can work on the underlying depression that is often driven by a sense of 'not being good enough'. This often provides a context for working through the issues that are driving the depression in the first place. And by doing so, the vicious cycle can be broken.