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  • Lyn Reed

Let down in Lockdown?

Feeling let down in lockdown. Set your own limits. Enforced isolation is hard enough as it is something we have not chosen. So we have to make the best of it. We must grin and bear it. We should be thankful things are not worse. The shoulds, musts and oughts. The inner critic in our head is saying that, despite the crisis, we have just got to get on with it. Which at one level is true. Yet it is precisely times like these that we may also expect more from others.

Those who we feel we have supported and been there for them in times of trouble now we feel are not there for us.

The biggest problem with lockdown is that it encourages overthinking, ruminating and ultimately finding ourselves besieged by negative automatic thoughts. We may tell ourselves that it is just one of those things and that we can’t expect too much of others.

Equally, we may want to take some time out and use it consciously – after all, many of us have it in shedloads, even though it is slipping through our fingers. So, if you recognise this feeling of being constantly let down by others ask yourself this question:

What behaviour might you unknowingly be playing out that creates a life where everyone lets you down?

How can you break this pattern and resist getting ‘sucked into’ this way of thinking leaving you feel more isolated than you need be?

Setting boundaries is key. Personal boundaries are yours. And yours alone.

Letting others know what is and is not acceptable to you and what you are and what you are not willing to put up with is a personal boundary.

When we don’t set boundaries then we give our time, energy and permission to others because we cannot say ‘no’. If the other person does not respect personal boundaries and you are doing all the giving and they are doing all the taking, then you are likely to feel let down and used. If you are expecting something in return for your ‘giving’ then this is more like a business transaction than an emotional connection. Think about it – when we take care of our own time and energy and value it, we feel a whole lot better for having done so. And we can focus on looking after ourselves especially at a time like this.

(head over to counselling directory to read more of my articles)

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