- Lyn Reed
In Relationships, Good Fences Make Good Neighbours
Between healthy, mindful partners in a relationship, there are clear boundaries. There is a firm understanding of the respective responsibilities of each. However, a co-dependant bond forms when partners are over-involved with one another and take on responsibilities that are not theirs. And end up doing the emotional work that rightfully belongs to the other partner.
If we are looking for someone to fill the hole in our heart and the hole in our head, we are not likely to have a healthy relationship. We just attract someone who is in the same mess.
And that is not a good fit.
We need boundaries. And good fences, as they say, make good neighbours.
An individual with a mature, well-developed sense of themselves has the most to offer someone else. They have their own lives, their own sense of self-worth and their own strength.
When we remove needs, fear and obsession we pave the way for love and affection for its own sake.
Getting hurt is the price we pay when we get close to someone. And since people make this decision time and again, we do so because it is worth it.
emotional work co-dependant self-worth healthy relationships