Finding the Root of Your Anger

Anger is a strong emotion which I feel is driven by fear - fear of loss, of being taken for granted, being disrespected, being hurt and giving pain to all who are affected by it. And perhaps, worst of all, creating pain for yourself. Excessive anger can result in selfish or aggressive behaviour and is a signal that something is not working in our lives.

We may not consider ourselves to be angry people; when we look deeper we often find our anger has its roots in fears we have experienced in childhood with which we have not dealt. Anger is a common response to fear and humiliation; and if we have had a traumatic event in the past which we have not processed, then we may well do anything to avoid experiencing such powerlessness and pain again.

It is important to remember that the threat is in the past, not the present. This is often what post-traumatic stress reaction looks like: it makes for a terrifying situation from the past as it feels it is happening over all again now.

Many of us do not know what is at the root of our anger. Only that it keeps occurring. We want to change our behaviour but it seems beyond our reach. When we recall such memories we tend not to feel angry but to feel deep humiliation. But if we stay focused on our current angry feelings, the anger will eventually manifest itself as an emotion which was experienced at the time but we did not express.

When we express what we are feeling in a way which we would have liked at the time, this puts it back in its proper context so that it ceases to come up at inappropriate times in the present. Or in the future

Sometimes we need to find a way to express, in a safe way, to the person who we feel made us feel this way when we were young and powerless how we now feel.

This can be a powerful way to undo the damaging conditioning that can be the cause of irrational angry outbursts that makes many lives miserable.