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  • Lyn Reed

Can you have a good split?

Yes, it is possible to have a good ending.

Let's start with the end in mind.  If you want to part on good terms, commit to that path.  Start co-operating - as long as it's being reciprocated.  With the aid of a skilled mediator/therapist we can make a transition to a more mature track.

It can be helpful to take the long view.  Post split/divorced couples can achieve life long friendships.  Or can make a complete break. Either way, peace of mind and closure can be achieved.

A good question to ask is: where do I want to be in a year?  Five years?  Before making a decision, seek professional advice.  Address feelings of anger, guilt, betrayal and grief.  By doing so you will be more objective and make better decisions.  Otherwise these emotions are likely t be played out in the divorce court.  For all to see - and likely to cost more because the whole process will be protracted.

It is important to resist playing the blame game.  For that is what it is.  A game to stop you focusing on yourself.  When we focus on ourselves we take responsibility for our life choices. This is the path to health and happiness.

The process needs to support your goal.  If we want war, conflict and revenge the emotional pain is likely to last longer.  Think ahead.  If we want a co-operative, post-divorce relationship pick a non-adversial process.  Like mediation or couple/individual therapy.

Your future happiness depends on taking time to reflect on your experience, how it has made you feel and what lessons have been learned.


couples inner conflict co-operative

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