Be assertive this year (1)

Assertiveness is the opposite of anger. We probably all know someone who is assertive - they don't stamp or shout - they just quietly and firmly say what they have to say.

They argue only when they feel the need.

And if challenged, they focus on the argument rather than make personal attacks. The assertive person does not withdraw if they believe in what they are saying - it is not always possible to avoid conflict. The assertive person can request that the argument may not be worth pursuing and make a request to change the subject.

This is assertive behaviour,

It is not assertive to be hell bent on winning every argument and beating down the other person. I would argue that is anger.

If we reflect on our behaviour, we often come to realise we have responded in ways which have fuelled the other person's anger. It is important to consciously take a step back before we react.

Rewards for this behaviour can be great, People who behave assertively - keeping one eye on the bigger picture and the other focused on the here and now - tend to get their way in the end.

Assertiveness is one of the most important skills we can have.

And luckily, because it is a skill it can be learnt.